why i’m writing again

image courtesy of flickr.com/creative commons

the best way to start something is simply just to start. easy words for a non-perfectionist. i’m already second guessing both those sentences in my head, and wondering if i should just stop. but i’ll keep going. you can feel free to join me.

i’m not sure where this needs to go, or even what i’m supposed to say. i just seem to have this desire to write. it’s really small. and i can think of a million reasons why i shouldn’t.

the most prevalent one is why.

i mean, if no one will read it, why should i write?

sure i know there are plenty of inspirational songs that say do it anyway, and dance, and dream—blah. blah.

but does the world really need more words?

everyone wants to have their say. and i don’t necessarily have this burden to have my say.

i don’t need to be heard.

i’m not even sure i expect one thing, other than i think, i hope that it will lead me to a healthier place.

because the reality is that i love, i crave that moment when i’m writing from my heart and i feel this warmth within. words come pouring out, and it’s like i can’t type fast enough. it’s a God moment. an authentic, there’s something inside me that is connected to God kind of thing.

and it feels awesome.
i haven’t felt that for a long time.

in fact, if I was completely honest, i’ve been living life on automatic for a few years now. don’t worry God, i’ve got this thing. i’ll let you know if i need you.

sure there have been moments when i came to the end of myself, when i cried out to God, but after the moment, it was back to status quo.

but i’m tired of living that way. i want a different life. i want every day to be about dead things coming to life. it’s about dying bones being filled with marrow. it’s about words coming out of spigots inside me. and that’s why this non-sensical rambling is important—because it’s the trickles coming forth.

i thought chapters in my life were merely history. that the best of my life was done. that I would live out the rest of my days “remembering when.”

remember those devotionals you used to write?
remember that column you wrote in every issue of YouthWalk?
remember when God’s Word seemed to breathe life into you every day?
remember when you wrote a book?

foolish tim.
it hasn’t even begun to be over.
there’s so much more.

and I don’t know if it’s good, bad, crazy, amazing or all of the above.

i just know that it’s there. i’m not obsolete. and there are more words yet to be written in my story.

maybe some of those words will even be words i get the privilege to write.

contents on this site are © 2011 tim walker. all rights reserved. for permission to reprint or publish this content elsewhere, please contact me through this blog.

3 Responses

  1. ooooh, these words struck a chord with me. I’ve had some of these same thoughts and feelings yet didn’t know how to put them into words. thanks for spelling them out for me. I hate how saturated we are with words, thanks a LOT internet burgeoning with copious amounts of blogs, ibooks and technology–the same stuff that allows me to write and publish myself and feel like I’m “special”. Yet for some reason I think the order I put my words in and the stuff I write about is somehow specialer than other peoples’. I indulge in reveling in my own rants and ramblings and begrudge other people who do the same with theirs. It’s like Oreos, I love to eat them and I hate myself after I do.

  2. I love this post, Tim. It’s not that you gotta do what you gotta do, it’s that you gotta do what God wants you to do or you feel empty, miserable, alone. Writing is clearly one of the things you were created to do. Anybody can see that.

    Wearing my permanently-affixed editor’s hat for a minute, though, I hope you meant
    “it hasn’t even begun to be over”….

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