the best way to start something is simply just to start. easy words for a non-perfectionist. i’m already second guessing both those sentences in my head, and wondering if i should just stop. but i’ll keep going. you can feel free to join me.
i’m not sure where this needs to go, or even what i’m supposed to say. i just seem to have this desire to write. it’s really small. and i can think of a million reasons why i shouldn’t.
the most prevalent one is why.
i mean, if no one will read it, why should i write?
sure i know there are plenty of inspirational songs that say do it anyway, and dance, and dream—blah. blah.
but does the world really need more words?
everyone wants to have their say. and i don’t necessarily have this burden to have my say.
i don’t need to be heard.
i’m not even sure i expect one thing, other than i think, i hope that it will lead me to a healthier place.
because the reality is that i love, i crave that moment when i’m writing from my heart and i feel this warmth within. words come pouring out, and it’s like i can’t type fast enough. it’s a God moment. an authentic, there’s something inside me that is connected to God kind of thing.
and it feels awesome.
i haven’t felt that for a long time.
in fact, if I was completely honest, i’ve been living life on automatic for a few years now. don’t worry God, i’ve got this thing. i’ll let you know if i need you.
sure there have been moments when i came to the end of myself, when i cried out to God, but after the moment, it was back to status quo.
but i’m tired of living that way. i want a different life. i want every day to be about dead things coming to life. it’s about dying bones being filled with marrow. it’s about words coming out of spigots inside me. and that’s why this non-sensical rambling is important—because it’s the trickles coming forth.
i thought chapters in my life were merely history. that the best of my life was done. that I would live out the rest of my days “remembering when.”
remember those devotionals you used to write?
remember that column you wrote in every issue of YouthWalk?
remember when God’s Word seemed to breathe life into you every day?
remember when you wrote a book?
it hasn’t even begun to be over.
there’s so much more.
and I don’t know if it’s good, bad, crazy, amazing or all of the above.
i just know that it’s there. i’m not obsolete. and there are more words yet to be written in my story.
maybe some of those words will even be words i get the privilege to write.
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