my heart is heavy today. it’s a mournful playlist kind of day. some sting, some mumford, some random songs that talk about sadness, storms, tough times. songs that will be on endless loop.

there’s a lot going on in my world right now. lots of questions, uncertainty.

there’s a lot going on in my best friend’s world as his sister is buried today.

i really don’t have a lot of words to say today.

i could play the game, find something i wrote years ago. hide behind past words instead of being honest about the words today. but it just doesn’t seem appropriate.

today is a day that i’m leaning on Jesus a little more.

i need His shoulder. i need His strength.

i just need Him.

it’s probably going to be a day when my anxiousness and sadness seep out a little bit. i’ll probably say some stupid things. probably over react to some, under react to others.

and i’ll keep leaning.

because my tendency is to pull away. like an anxious child snuggled up to his mom, who is trying to get him to sleep. i want to get up. look at something else. follow a random thought.

but today Jesus wants me to lean into Him. rest in Him. focus on Him.

so that’s what i’m going to try to do.

some days are just like that. some weeks are just like that. some years are just like that.

and life reminds you of what you should be doing all along. that’s in not in your control. that you’re not the master of your own destiny. that you need Someone bigger than who you are.

sometimes you have just have to lean on Jesus.

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