some people turn into werewolves at night when the moon is full. others grow fangs.

me? well after 9pm, i’m just pure evil.

as “nice” as everyone thinks i am, once that clock turns from 8:59, i really don’t have much nice to say or think about anyone or anything.

i think my meanest thoughts then.
i dish out my cruelest, most snide remarks then.
my patience is exhausted then.

and unfortunately, i say things with such vileness that it shreds those around me.

it’s why i could never be in full-time student ministry. i would “undo” anything God did before 9pm.

i could give you all sorts of reasons why—i’m spent. i have nothing left by that point in the day. i’m an early riser and i’ve been up for a very long time.

those are really all excuses. i’m not trying to be mean. i don’t look forward to it. i just want to go to bed.

and that’s what i do. i know, i’m like a senior citizen with a youthful face, although most of the older people i know stay up to watch the news at 11. so i guess i’m not even like that.

and despite my best efforts to be kind and courteous during the hours before 9:00pm, if i talk too much past that point, i always end up regretting what i said the next morning and wake up with a verbal hangover.

past 9pm, i’m living out what solomon wrote in proverbs 10:19: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” so i try to keep my mouth shut.

i’m just “too” before that point. too emotional. too wordy. too cynical. too judgmental.

it’s not pretty. i could get all super spiritual and talk about how God loves the early birds and how morning time is “holy time,” but the fact is that it’s just a very bad part of me.

my family knows it. they even joke about it. they ask me to go to bed.
most of my really close friends know it too.

people know not to call our home after 9pm unless it’s an emergency.

i wish i could wrap all this up in some nice spiritual lesson for all of you, but this isn’t that kind of post.
i’ve just learned to try to hold my tongue after 9pm.
to not entertain every thought that comes in my head.
to not have big discussions late at night.
and not to do or say as little as possible past that point so i have less to regret the next morning.

it’s just an area where i have to live with some fences right now. a place where i know i have to contain myself.

so if you’re sitting in a small group with me at night, or i’m hanging out at your house past 9pm, be warned. i’ll try to keep quiet. but there’s a reason i’m trying to slip out the door.

you probably won’t like me past 9pm.
i don’t even like me past 9pm.

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