when i was in high school, i infiltrated the AP program. advancement placement. gifted. the supersmart kids’ class.
i had tested for AP for both history and english, but came up a few mocking points short. but for some unforseen reason, i got into the AP health class.
health was a required class and i signed up for it a little later in my high school career than most of my peers. i hated PE and anything closely related, so i waited as long as possible to fulfill that obligation. i thought AP health would help me escape any physical exertion that the normal class would require, so i signed up for it. i never thought i would get in.
i did, and my hunch about the class paid off.
we barely got out of our chairs. no tests. no textbook. just a few random lectures from a teacher who really had no idea what to do with us. he kept tossing out ideas, but nothing stuck. so we basically just used the time to study for other classes. read books. draw.
it was a sweet setup. i had chosen well.
but i couldn’t enjoy it. every day, i was terrified i was going to be discovered and kicked out.
so i did my best to keep my true identity a secret.
i kept quiet, and when i did speak up, i made sure my brain was all the way on. i avoided conversations about other AP classes. and i made sure i kept a polite distance from the teacher to avoid any questions that might expose my “real” identity.
then one day, the free-spirited teacher got a brilliant idea. he was going to give us an IQ test. this was the end, i thought. i was going to be found out for the less-than-genius i really was.
despite my fervent prayers for serious illness, i woke up the day of the test feeling fine. i went to school and took the test. and when the results were tabulated, guess what?
i found out that i’m pretty smart. in fact, i even scored better than some of my classmates.
i had a right to be there.
there are a lot of days i feel like i’ve infiltrated many areas of my life.
husband to an amazing wife.
father to three great boys.
editor at fast-moving, buzzed about company.
i look around me at others who are filling the same roles, and think i’m not half as good as those things as they are.
but when God evaluates me, He sees something else. He sees more than i see—every time. i see what i’m not, He sees what i am.
He also knows everything He has entrusted to my care—every relationship, every opportunity, every responsibility—and He has intentionally placed me in each of those places because of who He has uniquely made to be.
i may feel like an impostor at times and just going through all the motions, but i’m where i am supposed to be.
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image from flickr.com/creative commons