the words of tim walker

a prayer for those of us who are cracking

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NLT).

i am pressed on every side.

but cracking.

my frustration is leaking out and i can’t find one place to escape.
i can’t find one place of relief.

every day, every aspect of my life feels like it’s pressing in.

there’s a problem here.
and there.
and there.
and there.

every location. every space i occupy is carrying the weight of something. and that weight is being shifted to me.
we need you to fix it. you’re the solution.
you’re the answer.

i’m the answer? i wonder.
as my head feels cloudy and my heart feels weighed down.

and the weight of it all begins to crack this clay jar.
my overdeveloped sense of responsibility kicks into overdrive and i feel the weight of every request.
to the point that even simple questions feel like someone just threw me a 50-pound weight and said, “catch.” (and i’ll probably drop it and scream.)

i know Jesus says cast your burdens on Him.
i know that He is in control.
but can’t we just get a little relief here?
can’t i just have one person in my life who isn’t going through something?
when did life become a pile-on?

and it’s not just my own little world.
the rest of the world seems to be closing in as well.
violence. beheadings. killer viruses.

i am pressed on every side.
the Bible answer is that i am not crushed.
but i am cracking.

i can’t do this on my own.
i can’t hold it all together.
i can’t be the answer for everyone and everything.

i need wisdom.
i need strength.
i need relief.

i’m a clay jar. i’m not made of steel.
but i’m also not empty. i hold in me a treasure, not of my own making, but one that has been given to me.

and that treasure is the only thing i can cling to. it’s my hope.

because i’m not crushed, but i am cracking.


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