the words of tim walker husband • dad • writer • superhero geek

unlocking level 46

so i turn 46 this weekend (august 30). some say with age comes wisdom, but i’m finding there is a lot more than wisdom in that “benefits package.” here are 10 things i have learned, experienced or i’m processing at age 46.

1) i no longer can shop in the young men’s department. i haven’t bought anything with the words “skinny” in the name in decades. the words “athletic fit” don’t describe my abilities, or my physique.

2) i can’t see as well as i used to. it’s like i woke up one day and someone flipped a switch. there was nothing gradual about it. i use my iPhone as my Bible in church, not because i’m so tech savvy but because it’s dark so i need light to see and i can enlarge the font size.

3) the 40s are a decade of transition. it’s a constant tension between what was, what is and what’s next. whether it’s career, family or just life in general, things seem to be in a constant state of change. most of the frustrations i feel can be tied to this tension.

4) while some people pick a style of haircut and clothes and hang on to them for decades, i’ve selected a profile picture on social media that was from three years ago and about 25 pounds less. so basically i’m cat fishing everyone on social media.

5) as older relatives pass away (grandparents, aunts, uncles) i find myself valuing even more the people who knew me as a child. to me, there is just something comforting about someone who knows my story from the beginning—not just someone who knows me now.

6) speaking of family that is no longer living, i really miss some of them. i wish my boys could have breakfast at my grandmother’s (she made the best breakfast). i wish they could have a hug from jen’s grandparents and see how they just had this way about them that would encourage you and make you feel loved.

7) i want gray hair. honestly. i kind of look forward to it. i just want to still have hair.

8) i’m still learning things about myself. in the Old Testament, when God made Himself known to Moses, He described Himself as “slow to anger and abounding in love.” i’m so thankful that God is so patient with me. He sees all my imperfections, and patiently shines the light on them one at a time instead of all at once. and even at times, if it would be painful to reveal the true depth of it all, He unveils them layer by layer until we get to the heart of the issue.

9) after almost 20 years of marriage, i feel like my wife and i communicate better than we ever have. time to communicate is a challenge, but we are able to talk through things better than when we were younger. there’s still room for improvement, but we have a lifetime for that.

10) i don’t feel like my life is over, but i don’t really have any dreams right now. i’m just kind of numb in this area. with three teenagers in the house, i feel like life is more about helping them get ready for the next, and not about me at this point.

those are just a few things that i have unlocked in 46 years, things i’m learning and processing. so what are you learning?

 

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