i like superheroes. i even believe myself to be one on occasion. not in a “pick up a car” kind of way, or “tackle a mugger.” but when i swoop in and save the day, i feel like a justice leaguer until i realize my shirt is riding up over my expanding, middle age belly.
i’m probably more like the snapper carr of the justice league, or the wendy and marvin of the super friends. the one who stays behind and keeps thing running while everyone else is out responding to a crisis.
some times being a hero simply means making coffee, uploading some files, running an errand or washing a uniform. at least that’s what i like to tell myself when i wear my cape.
but like every great superhero, i have weaknesses. my list of weaknesses is longer than superman or green lantern’s. here are a few:
• fried chicken tenders. i can’t resist them. put out a plate of boneless, fried chicken and you will trap me every time. i could eat a nugget tray and be blissfully happy. a whole tray. or a plate of homemade fried chicken. i scavenge the dinner table, looking for leftover chicken tenders. i tell my boys, “in this family, we don’t waste fried chicken.” i hope they are taking that important life lesson to heart, as i grab the chicken off their plate and eat it. (i’ve also been known to never turn down fresh tortilla chips.)
• ice. i can’t drive it in. an impending snow and ice storm will reduce me to the fetal position. i totaled a car once in it, so i probably have some PTS when it comes to a wintry mix.
• a sink full of dishes. it makes me twitch. they must be cleaned. i can’t “save them for later,” even if we have guests. the dishes will be like an annoying child screaming in the background, crying out for my attention. i also will gather up cups from around the house and wash them, even if the person who put the cup down isn’t finished yet.
• laundry. it will sneak up on me every time. in our home, i’m the laundry guy. and as much as i try to stay on top of it, the laundry hampers are overflowing. i feel like the prophet Elijah came in my house and blessed our laundry hampers so that they would never be empty.
• being cornered. i hate to be backed into a corner. i will do whatever i can to stay ahead, so i’m not scrambling to do something last minute. unfortunately, not everything is in my control. so sometimes the tardiness of others will undermine my efforts. actually this happens a lot. (you could also add people not responding to my emails to this—it cripples me mentally, and brings out hulk-esque responses of frustration.)
i realize that posting these weaknesses makes me vulnerable to those who would want to entrap me or do me harm, or just frustrate me. i hope this list isn’t used against me. then again, if you want to hand me a plate of chicken tenders while i’m standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, i’ll make the best of it.
we superheroes can handle a sacrifice like that.
the contents on this site are ©2014 tim walker. all rights reserved. for permission to reprint or publish this content elsewhere, please contact me through this blog
image courtesy of flickr.com/creative commons/by tv